Charles Milles Manson, submitted by Dennis Wilson on Fri Jul 1 2005
Reason:
Normally, we at The Sons of Emperor Norton look down with distain and disgust at such a morally corrupt, irredeemable loser and freak. However, he is just to goddamn weird to ignore. This mastermind of the hippie-era cult of evil that shocked the country is in a category all by himself. I think it is the Swastaka carved into his forehead that puts him over the top. Plus, he is a pretty decent trombone player.
Comments:
Fortunately, the misspellings of "disdain" and "swatstika" contained in this nomination indicate(deduced by decades of extensive investigation and comparative linguistic analysis) that this coded declaration of loyalty to the "master" was perpetrated by none other than Mr. Manson himself. Better luck next time, Chucky boy. Rejected!!! We don\'t need no stinkin\' t-bone player.
Dr. Phil McGraw, submitted by Oprah Winfrey on Wed Jul 6 2005
Reason:
Dr Phil McGraw, the egg-headed pop psycologist from "The Lone Star" state, has galvinized millions of Americans to "get real" about their own destructive behavior and be more positive about their lives. His popularity can be credited to Oprah Winfrey, the most powerful women in United States next to Hillary Clinton and Christy Canyon. He has published numerous scholarly articles and has practiced in many fields of clinical psychology and behavioral medicine. Dr. Phil has a B.S., M.A., and Ph.D in clinical psychology from North Texas State University with a duel area of emphasis in clinical and behavioral medicine. He has been a board-certified and licensed psychologist since 1978. How\'s that working for you?
Comments:
Dr. Phil is in a position to take advantage of the millions of women who look up and adore him world wide, yet he remains loyal to his wife who accompanies him on every show. Yer not in yet, Doc.
George Takei, submitted by Mr. Spock on Fri Jul 14 2006
Reason:
George Takei is the actor who played the fictional character of Japanese descent,\'\'Hikaru Sulu\'\' in the original \'\'Star Trek\'\' series. He was originally staff physicist of the USS Enterprise, but ended up being transferred to the helm. He eventually gets promoted to captain and gets his own ship, the USS Excelsior. In the TV series, movies, and novels, Sulu is shown to have many interests and hobbies, including fencing, botany, collecting ancient weapons, martial arts, and piloting craft of various eras. In October 2005, Mr. Takei "came out of the closet". It has been reported that when Takei was asked if his character Sulu was gay, Takei responded that he would like to believe that sexual orientation would not even be an issue in the 23rd century. It is perhaps worth noting that, despite the appearance of Sulu\'s daughter, Demora Sulu, of all the show\'s principal characters, Sulu was the only male never depicted with a romantic interest. As a child during WWII, Mr. Takei and his family were sent to Rohwer, a Japanese American interment camp in Arkansas, and later moved to Tule Lake War Relocation Center in California.
Comments:
Sorry, Sulu. You\'ll have to do more than come out as gay to be an honorary member. Warp factor one Mr. Sulu. Enter black hole to alternate universe. Put on tutu and grow a beard.
Jimmy Swaggart, submitted by Jim Bakker on Mon Oct 17 2005
Reason:
The third greatest televangelist on television, Mr. Swaggart took hypocrisy to new heights during the 1980\'s. His weekly television program, "The Jimmy Swaggart Telecast" attracted over eight million Jesus freaks, making him the most popular televangelist at the time. In 1986, Mr. Swaggart took great joy in defrocking fellow Assembly of God Minister Marvin Gorman after he conducted an extramarital affair with one of his parishioners. The next year, when the PTL Ministry collapsed around Jim Bakker, Swaggart was ecstatic. He went on CNN and told Larry King that Bakker was a "cancer on the body of Christ". Ironically, Minister Marvin Gorman revealed that Mr. Swaggart\'s favorite hobbies were watching pornography and hiring $35.00 an hour prostitutes in cheap motels (He was photographed with prostitute Debra Murphree outside of the Travel Inn in Lake Charles, LA). At this juncture, Mr. Swaggart confessed to a lifelong addition to pornography. Again,in 1991, Mr. Swaggart was caught with avowed prostitute Rosemary Garcia in Indio, CA. Mr. Swaggart\'s cousin is Sun recording artist Jerry Lee Lewis and country musician Mickey Gilley.
Comments:
Oh yeah, that\'s it, c\'mon, do it! Make Jimmy a happy man. Momma, momma, momma. Look at her little sooties. Drinky your noongen leetle beebee. Wa-wa, wee-wee, woo-woo! Oh yeah...Nasty, nasty; mo nasty. I\'m a sinner, a sinner I tells ye.
Larry Hagman, submitted by Barbara Eden on Sun Oct 30 2005
Reason:
Born on September 21st, 1931, Larry Hagman will forever be known for his portrayal of J.R. Ewing on the television soap opera, "Dallas". In addition to his role on "Dallas", Mr. Hagman is well known for his role as "Major Tony Nelson" on the popular television sitcom, "I Dream of Jeannie(1965-1970) in which he costarred opposite Barbara Eden. Recently, Mr. Hagman could be seen in the film "Primary Colors", playing a presidential candidate. In 1996, Mr. Hagman underwent a lifesaving liver transplant after admitting that he had been and heavy drinker and smoker for most of his life.
Comments:
Let\'s not lower the bar here. The list is getting too long as it is. Principles, gentlemen.
- Dr. Zachary Shambles
Marshall Applegate aka "Do" (pronouced "Doe"), submitted by Captain James T. Kirk on Sun Jul 10 2005
Reason:
Leader of the "Heaven\'s Gate" cult, located in San Diego, California. "Do" required members to dress in black unisex garments; shapeless black shirts with Mandarin collars and black pants. They also wore "buzz cuts" and "Nike" running shoes, consumed pills and alcohol, and incorporated suffocation to methodically kill each other-- performing the deed in shifts. The cult included a beauty queen, ,a former cowboy movie actor, and other misfits of society. Apparently, the cult was waiting for a spacecraft that was suppose to pick them up and take them to what they described as a higher place of existence. Upon departure, members were ordered to "leave their containers"; the earthy bodies they inhabited. Male members were required to castrate themselves. All aboard!!!
Comments:
Doe, ray, mi...male members were required to castrate themselves? Say "Hi" to Chuck Manson and Jim Jones for me...you freak.
Richard Tiffany Gere, submitted by Dalai Lama on Sun Oct 30 2005
Reason:
Thespian Richard Gere, born August 31st, 1949 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, is the second of five children, with three older sisters and one younger brother. He has starred in numerous Hollywood films including "An Officer and a Gentleman", "Pretty Women", and "Chicago". Mr. Gere\'s hobbies include photography and collecting Mickey Mouse memorabilia. His obsession with Walt Disney\'s famous rodent should\'nt come as a surprise considering that he was admitted into the emergency room at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles a few years back to have a gerbil removed from his anus. "Gerbilling" or "gerbil-stuffing" involves having a live rodent shoved up one\'s ass for the alleged joy of feeling it wriggle, jiggle, and tickle inside the anal cavity. To his credit, Mr Gere is an activist for Tibetan independence, co-founding Tibet House, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation of Tibetan culture, headquartered in New York\'s Greenwich Village. Mr. Gere composed the piano solo he played in "Pretty Woman".
Comments:
Over my dead body will Richard Gere be on the same list as Gene Scott.
Signed - Dr. Zachary Shambles
Uncle Fester, submitted by Herman Munster on Thu Oct 20 2005
Reason:
Played by former child silent film star Jackie Coogan, bald-headed "Uncle Fester Frump" was a member of the macabre Addams Family, another 1960\'s television series endorsed by Norton I, First Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. In real life, Mr. Coogan was good friends with Charlie Chaplin. And then there was that lightbulb...
Comments:
Before Harry James married Bette Grable, she was with Fester. He used to beat the tar out of her. Sorry chrome-dome, Joshua sez go suck Sylvania somewhere else. Yer out!