B9, submitted by Will Robinson on Wed Oct 26 2005
Reason:
Simply referred to as "Robot" in the Sci-Fi television series "Lost in Space", "B9" captivated the imaginations of young boys across the nation during the 1960\'s. He was every boy\'s pal back then (El Hombre Furioso, U.S. Balzac, and Dr. Smithsonian Shambles often get misty-eyed when talking about him), sort of an intelligent metal version of the dog "Lassie". In many ways he was better because he could hold an intelligent conversation whereas Lassie could only bark. His trademark sayings were, "Danger Will Robinson" and "That does not compute". B9 was the target of Dr. Zachary Smith\'s(see Dr. Zachary Smith below) insults and put downs. Word on the street is that B9 has a huge set of testicles.
Comments:
Word on the street also indicated that DNA paternity tests indicate that B9 is the biological father of our own bass player, Ulysses S. Balzac. Thanks Maury! Way to go bwibbity bag o\' transistors n\' valves. I guess unemployed robot-actors could score even in the late 50\'s. C3PO thought he invented bionic lube, but Mistah "Danger Will Robinsin" had it goin\' on before "Lost in Space", "Star Trek", or "Star Wars". Maybe we shoulda called ya "Bones" instead of B9! I guess B9\'s huge set of nuc\'ler-powered titanium grapefruits aren\'t "benign" at all. Oh the pain(hurts so good)!
Barry White, submitted by Sam Cooke on Tue Aug 16 2005
Reason:
Barry Eugene Carter(a.k.a. Barry Lee), was born in Galveston, Texas on September 12th, 1944, but spent most of his life living in Los Angeles, California. He was nicknamed "The Walrus of Love" because of his rotund size, deep voice, and reputation as one of R&B\'s most romantic singers. By the late 1960\'s he organized and produced a girl group called "Love Unlimited", whose 1972 hit "Walkin\'in the Rain With the One I Love", featured Barry\'s voice recorded through a telephone. His own debut album, "I\'ve Got So Much To Give"(1973), included the hit "I\'m Gonna Love Ya Just a Little More, Baby". White\'s distinctive, smooth, bass voice was backed by the Love Unlimited Orchestra, and during the \'70s he had several hits, including "Love\'s Theme", a slickly produced soul song that signaled the beginning of the Disco era. For years, Mr. White suffered from high blood pressure which eventually led to kidney failure. He died July 4th, 2003 in Los Angeles.
Comments:
Norton I, First Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, always welcomes romantic Fat Bastids into his elite club! Plus, his wild sexual escapades with Laura Bush and her two daughters earned him a Purple Heart, and The Emperor\'s own high award, the Purple Baloney(Pony), which is only awarded after the Ordination of the Blue Balls ceremony has been performed.
Bob Newhart, submitted by Don Rickles on Sat Jul 9 2005
Reason:
Known for his deadpan, stammering delivery while talking, Mr. Newhart was born on September 5th, 1929. Prior to achieving success on the comedy circuits of the 1960\'s, Bob worked as a bookkeeper for a Chicago firm and hated it. He developed a comedy routine that incorporated telephone monologues and one-side conversations. His 1960 comedy album, "The Button Down Mind of Bob Newhart", went to #1 on the charts, beating out "The King", Elvis. Through the years, Bob has appeared on "The Ed Sullivan show", "The Jackie Gleason Show", "The Judy Garland Show", "The Andy Williams Show", "The Dean Martin Show", "Rowan and Martin\'s Laugh-In", "The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson", "Saturday Night Live", "Late Show with David Letterman", and "The Simpson\'s". He is best remembered for his portrayal of Dr. Bob Hartley on the 1970\'s sitcom, "The Bob Newhart Show". Bob has also appeared in numerous films, including the classic, "Catch-22". Bob\'s best friend is Don Rickles.
Comments:
One of his early routines was based on the relationship between Lincoln, Grant, and Grant\'s fondness for drink during the Civil War. You\'re in Bobby! \'Nuff said.
Bob Ross, submitted by Mr. Rodgers on Tue Oct 4 2005
Reason:
"Little bit of black, a little bit of blue, some criss-cross strokes, or little x\'s, whatever you want to call them. Whatever. There you go" Words spoken by Bob Ross, the grandmaster American oil painter who primarily practiced the finer more respectable arts of relaxation and kindness. His quiet, nurturing disposition was a form of therapy to the weary, and the reassuring intonations of his gentle voice hypnotized entire generations of would be illustrators into creating a million-dollar art supply store enterprise. Meanwhile, a Louisiana band calling themselves "The Bob Ross Experience" continue to play gigs. Mr. Ross died on July 4th, 1995.
Comments:
I had hair like that once, and my little bird lives up in one mighty big tree. What type of stroke should I use, Big Bob?
Brother Theodore, submitted by Albert Einstein on Mon May 22 2006
Reason:
Brother Theodore (1906-2001) was a monologuist and comedian known for rambling, stream of consciousness dialogues which he called "stand up tragedy". He was born \'\'Theodore Gottleib\'\' into a wealthy family in Germany, where his father was a magazine publisher. Theodore attended the University of Cologne. Under Nazi rule, he was imprisoned at Dachau until he signed over his family\'s fortune for one Reichsmark. After being deported for chess hustling from Switzerland, he went to Austria where Albert Einstein, a family friend, helped him escape to the United States. He worked as a janitor at Stanford University, a dockworker in San Francisco, and played a bit part in Orson Welles; \'\'The Stranger" (1946) before moving to New York City. Brother Theodore made a number of movie appearances beginning in the 1940s and continuing into the 1990s. He once said, "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere wish that immediately after my death, my head be severed from my body, and that it be replaced by a bouquet of broccoli".
Comments:
He was awesome on "Late Night with David Letterman". This was back when Dave was on NBC and his show had balls...big balls.
Chris Farley, submitted by David Spade on Sat May 20 2006
Reason:
Christopher Crosby Farley (1964-1997) was an American actor and comedian born in Madison, Wisconsin. He was best known as a cast member on Saturday Night Live television series, who went on to enjoy success in movies in the mid-1990s. Popular characters performed by Farley, some of which were brought to \'\'SNL\'\' from his days as a Second City performer in Chicago, included an over-the-top motivational speaker named Matt Foley (who constantly reminded characters that he lived in "a van down by the river"), Todd O\'Connor on Bill Swerski\'s Super fans ("Da Bears!"), a Chippendales dancer (in a famous skit that paired him with guest host Patrick Swayze), a "Gap (clothing retailer) Girl" who hung out with friends at a local mall, and Bennett Brauer, who often appeared on Weekend Update and would often divulge his personal and hygienic problems. Farley found success with the 1995 film \'\'Tommy Boy" (in which he co-starred with frequent \'\'SNL\'\' cohort David Spade). He and Spade re-teamed in 1996 with \'"Black Sheep", which met with limited appeal. Farley, who had struggled with obesity, alcohol and drug addiction for years, was found dead in his Chicago apartment in the John Hancock Center on December 18, 1997. An autopsy revealed that Farley had died of an accidental overdose of opiate morphine and cocaine with coronary arteriosclerosis being a contributing factor. Ironically, Mr. Farley\'s hero was the late John Belushi, another almunus of Saturday Night Live and fellow Fat Bastid.
Comments:
Anyone who professes to live "in a van down by the river" is a true friend of Norton I, first Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. Rest in Peace Bro!
Christopher Walken, submitted by sourdough jack on Mon Jun 20 2005
Reason:
The guy who looks like him goosestepping with the HE_SHE at the Baltic.
Comments:
His role of "The Continental" on SNL also has bode him well for membership.
Dan Blocker, submitted by Lorne Greene on Sun Jun 18 2006
Reason:
Dan Blocker (1928-1972) . He is best remembered for his role as Eric \'Hoss\' Cartwright in the TV western \'\'Bonanza\'\'. He was born in DeKalb, Texas, the son of Ora Shack and Mary Blocker. He attended Texas Military Institute and later graduated from Sul Ross State University with a degree in the dramatic arts. By all accounts he is remembered from his school days for his size of 6 ft 3 in and weight of 300 pounds, and as being good-natured despite his intimidating size. Blocker was drafted and served in the Korean War; he later married Dolphia Parker, whom he had met while a student at Sul Ross State. They had four children. Blocker earned a Master\'s degree and worked at a variety of jobs to support his family including teaching in a high school, some acting and performance work in rodeos. Dan Blocker died suddenly following routine gall bladder surgery in Los Angeles in 1972. The cast and crew of \'\'Bonanza\'\' were shaken by his death and it is speculated that the loss of one of the show\'s most popular characters hastened its end. Mr. Blocker is yet another celebrated Fat Bastid! Hail Norton!
Comments:
Dad burnit! I miss Hoss!!!!
Don King, submitted by Joe Frazier on Wed Jun 14 2006
Reason:
Don King (born December 3, 1932), is a flamboyant boxing promoter who has worked with some of the most famous boxers in the 20th century. Prior to entering the world of boxing, King was a con man and numbers racketeer in Cleveland, Ohio. In 1954, King shot and killed a man attempting to rob one of his gambling houses; the death was ruled a "justifiable homicide," despite the fact that King had shot him in the back. In 1966, King was convicted of stomping to death an employee who owed him $600. Although he then embarked on a campaign of hush money payments and witness intimidation, he was convicted of second degree murder and given a life sentence. The judge reduced the conviction to non-negligent manslaughter. Despite his criminal past, Don King was a self-educated man. He often quoted Shakespeare in his interviews and adopted a very convincing style in his speech. Don King is well-known for his eccentric behavior and outlandish style. His catchphrase is "Only in America!". He has a rather unusual hairstyle, and is fond of wearing loud, brightly colored clothing and lots of jewelry. King is famous for his grandiloquence and malapropisms.
Comments:
Explosion hair definitely embodies the true spirit of Emperor Norton. He\'s in.
Don Knotts, submitted by Andy Griffith on Wed Jul 6 2005
Reason:
The incredible Mr. Knotts is a sure bet as an Honorary Son of EMPEROR NORTON. Born on July 21st, 1924, in Morgantown, West Virginia, Mr. Knotts can truly be called a "comic genius" in the tradition of Lucille Ball, Jerry Lewis, and Charlie Chaplin. Probably most famous for his portrayal as Deputy Barney Fife on "The Andy Griffith Show", Mr. Knotts also appeared in such classic films as "The Incredible Mr. Limpet", The Reluctant Astronaut", and "It\'s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World". He was also a regular on the 1970\'s sitcom, "Three\'s Company", starring John Ritter, son of another Honorary Son of EMPEROR NORTON, the late Tex Ritter. In his private life, Mr. Knotts had a reputation as being a "Ladies Man" and "Stud". Floyd the Barber once called him, "The Sixty-Minute Man".
Comments:
Don\'t forget "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken". Upon seeing this as a child in the mid-sixties up in Carson City, NV(at the Carson Theatre), young Sourdough was stricken with fear and forced his Grandpa(Finau Guerino Piatanesi, father of the piano accordian in the U.S.) to rise from his late night slumber and stay with him in the middle bedroom of Carson City\'s Abell House(1875) at 1114 N. Curry Street(now an antique shop). Finau, while still in his long-johns, grumbled Italian epithets toward Joe\'s mom and grandma who were out late gambling at the Carson Nugget casino. Thanks for the memory, Don Knotts. Welcome to the empire.
Don Rickles, submitted by Frank Sinatra on Sat Jul 9 2005
Reason:
Known as "The Merchant of Venom" and "The Master of Insults", Mr. Rickles has been highly visible on television and in motion pictures for over 35 years. From "The Don Rickles Show", and "The Dean Martin Show", to "C.P.O. Sharkey", and numerous appearences on "The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson", Don has been keeping folks in stitches for years. Mr. Rickles has also appeared in top showrooms in Atlantic City, Reno-Lake Tahoe, and Las Vegas. He has appeared in such classic films as "Run Silent, Run Deep", Kelly\'s Heroes", "Casino", and "Toy Story", Since 1966, Don has annually been voted among the nation\'s best- dressed men by the Custom Tailors Guild of America and the Tailors Council of America. Don\'s best friend is Bob Newhart.
Comments:
He was friends with Sinatra.
Dr. Gene Scott, submitted by Paul Shambles on Tue Jun 14 2005
Reason:
He was simply the greatest TV preacher ever. 
Comments:
He could be Elvis...
Dr. Smithsonian Shambles, submitted by Dragon Lady on Sat Jun 25 2005
Reason:
He make me so happy, and drum like muthufuckuh. Some day, we will walk together through fields of clover. My lotus expodes across the seam of pleasure.
Comments:
She two timed me. Three time just too much. I ache in the pain of savage lust. Bofe ball trumps a full house.
Dr. Zachary Smith, submitted by B9 on Fri Jul 1 2005
Reason:
Devious and cowardly saboteur on the classic 1960\'s sci-fi television series "Lost in Space". Famous for "Smithisms; insults directed at B9, the Jupiter 2\'s Robot. In addition, Zachary was the Grand Marshall of San Francisco\'s very first pride parade back in 1966. Some classic "Smithisms": "You traitorous tin-plated fugitive from the junkyard" "You bumbling bucket of bolts" "You proverbial neanderthal ninny" "William, the pain...the pain...oh the pain" 
Comments:
Just for his on-screen wearing of my grandma\'s 1960\'s polyester slacks, he is in the club. Begone, you festering barbarian of bilge baggage.
Dynamic dave, submitted by Dynamic dave on Sat Oct 15 2005
Reason:
WDYN Radio will be playing you. Dynamic Independent Radio WDYN.net 100.1 FM Independent Music 24 / 7 2844-46 Dewey Ave. Rochester, NY 14616 -4630 USA 800-816-4262 http://www.wdyn.net
Comments:
Why is Dave smiling? Dave has appointed himself an honorary member of "The Sons of Emperor Norton." Self-appointing usually leads to intense perspiration, hairy palms, and eventual blindness. Those symptoms alone are very impressive in regards to membership. What stands out for me is the lost weekend Dave spent in Barcelona with Larry King. Bullfights, sangria, tapas, flamenco, talk of the revolution, and Franco. Hemingway would of wept tears of joy, and Larry kept yelling,"Cincinnati!". Welcome Dynamic Dave...a tube of Nair, a cane, and some Cool Ray Polaroids await you in the Hall of Honor.
Edward Walter Raines, submitted by Stephen G. Raines on Fri Jun 29 2007
Reason:
Dad has always been fascinated with all things Norton.
Comments:
After several years of intense scrutiny and deliberation, we proudly accept Edward into our proud membership, Sorry for the delay. Sourdough Joe, 5/24/13
Eva Maass, submitted by Sourdough Joe on Tue Jan 5 2016
Reason:
Anyone that knew her would have a million reasons to nominate her, mostly because of her artistic talents, optimism, and overall personality. Sadly, she has dropped off the radar and has rejected all her known friends and family and when last contacted was hitting the road with her cat in tow. Can you say Kerouac? Satisfactory!
Evel Knievel, submitted by Harry Houdini on Wed Aug 24 2005
Reason:
Combining dangerous stunts with "P.T. Barnum" sensationalism, Robert Craig Knievel will forever be known as the greatest motorcycle daredevil of all time. As a result of his notorious motorcycle jumps, Mr. Knievel has broken 50 bones throughout his body including his back, hip, scapula, clavicle, both femurs, both arms, and pelvis. Wearing a red, white, and blue jumpsuit, Evel has jumped over mountain lions, rattlesnakes, trucks, buses, and even killer sharks. Evel\'s career reached a zenith when he rode his X-2 Skycycle across the quarter-mile-wide Snake River Canyon in Idaho. The jump failed when the parachute prematurely deployed, causing the rocket to fall back into the canyon. In 1977, Mr. Knievel battered publicist Sheldon Saltman with a baseball bat after Mr. Saltman published a book claiming that Evel hated his mother, took illegal drugs, and had numerous affairs while on the road. "I broke his arms so that he could\'nt write anymore lies...what he said about my mother, I should have killed him for", Evel explains. Mr. Knievel had genuine friendships with (2) other Honorary Sons of EMPEROR NORTON; The King, Elvis Presley, and Jackie Gleason.
Comments:
Anybody who wears Elvis-like white jumpsuits, crashes Harley\'s for a living, and has a propensity for such revenge-laden anger is already a member.
Festus Haggen, submitted by Hoss Cartwright on Thu Oct 27 2005
Reason:
As Dodge City\'s Deputy Marshal, Festus is the pride of the Haggen family, a clan of no-account hillbillies who may have less than 32 teeth among them. Although illiterate and often incoherent, the dog-eared Deputy has earned the respect of Dodge\'s townspeople as a capable lawman. And he is easily the most colorful resident of this Kansas frontier town. Festus is fiercely loyal to Marshall Matt Dillion as one of his two best friends-the other his mule. His meager salary as a deputy forces him to do odd jobs to make ends meet so when not enforcing the law he\'s most likely painting a barn or digging a well. Festus is a bachelor, which should come as no surprise given his educational background and lack of personal hygiene. In his spare time, he can be found at the Long Branch Saloon, waiting for someone to buy him a drink. Festus was played by the late, great actor and musician Ken Curtis. Mr. Curtis holds a special place in Norton I\'s heart for starring in "Gunsmoke" and having been a member of the cowboy band the "Sons of the Pioneers".
Comments:
He also sang with legendary bandleader Tommy Dorsey\'s(who hosted E\'s 1st TV appearance...produced by The Great One!) big band. Anyone named Festus is already a member. Adjourned.
Frank Zappa, submitted by Fuckin' A on Sun Jun 18 2006
Reason:
Frank Vincent Zappa (1940-1993) composer, guitarist, singer, and satirist. Mr. Zappa distinguishing himself as an electric guitarist and a gifted producer-engineer. He covered many contemporary musical genres blending high art, rock opera, absurdity, scatological humor, and caustic satire. In 1964, Zappa joined a local group, "The Soul Giants", renaming them "The Mothers". The group gradually began to gain attention in the burgeoning Los Angeles underground scene. In 1965, they were signed to the Verve label who insisted that they officially re-title themselves "The Mothers of Invention" out of a concern that the band\'s original moniker had obscene undertones. The Mothers recorded their groundbreaking double album debut \'\'Freak Out!\' (1966), that attempted to capture the \'freak\' subculture of Los Angeles at that time. It firmly established Zappa as a major new voice in rock music. In 1971, while performing in Montreux, Switzerland, the Mothers\' equipment was destroyed when a flare set off by an audience member started a disastrous fire that burned down the casino where they were playing; an event immortalised in Deep Purple\'s classic song \'\'Smoke On The Water\'\'.
Comments:
Are you kidding? No one deserves it more.
Gary Gato Pelon Kammerer, submitted by Gary Gato Pelon Kammerer on Thu Nov 9 2006
Reason:
I\'m a Clamper and an owner of your CD and we politically agree!
Comments:
Good enough for me.
General Ulysses S. Grant, submitted by General Robert E. Lee on Thu Jun 23 2005
Reason:
"That goddamned cigar afionado kicked my sad, pathetic, sorry, sissified, girlie-man, Confederate ass during the war between the states. However, that son-of-a-bitch Honest Abe once told me that \'ol Ulysses had a huge, mammoth, gigantic, enormous set of testicles" reminisced General Robert E. Lee about Ulysses S. Grant years after his Civil War defeat.
Comments:
He never asked for directions. Hail Grant, and the street that made Chinatown famous.
George Carlin, submitted by Johnny Carson on Sat Jun 17 2006
Reason:
George Dennis Carlin is a Grammy Award-winning standup comedian, actor, and author, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on language, psychology and religion. In the 1960s, Mr. Carlin began appearing on various television variety shows, frequently performing on and guest hosting \'\'The Tonight Show\'\' starring Johnny Carson. Eventually, Mr. Carlin perfected what is perhaps his best-known routine, "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". Mr. Carlin was the first-ever host of NBC\'s \'\'Saturday Night Live\'\', debuting on October 11, 1975. As a staunch atheist, Carlin has often denounced the idea of a God in interviews and performances, most notably with his "Invisible Man in the Sky" routine. Carlin has also said he worships the Sun (because he can actually see it) but prays to Joe Pesci because "he\'s a good actor". Recently a substantial portion of his standup material has been deeply antagonistic towards things that anger him. Some of his targets include corporate criminals, golf, The House of Blues, baby boomers, macho men, advertising, fast food, stupidity, consumerism, Republicans, and euphemistic language.
Glen Campbell, submitted by John Wayne on Tue Oct 4 2005
Reason:
His hits have included "Rhinestone Cowboy", "Galveston", "Gentle On My Mind", "Wichita Lineman" and the Grammy-winning "By the Time I Get to Phoenix". He was the Country Music Association\'s entertainer of the year in 1968 and had his own television show, "The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour," from 1969 to 1972. A top session guitarist, he has performed with The Champs("Tequila") and The Beach Boys and recorded with Elvis, Frank Sinatra, and others. He also starred in the classic film "True Grit" as John Wayne\'s sidekick, "La Boeuf". Recently in Phoenix, Arizona, where Mr. Campbell lives, he struck another car while driving intoxicated and then left the scene. Later, after his arrest, he kneed a police officer while demanding to see the police chief. While in jail, Campbell could be heard singing "Rhinestone Cowboy". Mr. Campbell is an avid golfer.
granpaw munster, submitted by uncle fester on Sun May 21 2006
Reason:
He\'e the only one who understands me!
Comments:
In addition to Mr. T\'s midnight masquerades, Grandpaw Muster\'s late night visits to El Hombre Furioso\'s childhood home are also infamous in San Franciso\'s Richmond district. What is it about his house that attracts them at night? Only the shadow knows...
Harvey Phillip "Phil" Spector, submitted by Dick Clark on Tue Oct 25 2005
Reason:
Highly influential record producer who turned out some of the best-known popular music of the 1960s and 1970s. The originator of the "Wall of Sound" production technique, Spector first rose to prominence as one of the masterminds behind the 1960s girl group sound. Later in his career he worked with more varied artists, including The Beatles and The Ramones. Mr. Spector has exhibited erratic behavior over the years, having descended into many conflicts with the artists, songwriters, and producers that he has worked with. He discharged a firearm while in the studio with John Lennon during the recording of his cover album "Rock\'n\'Roll" and placed a loaded pistol at Leonard Cohen\'s head during the sessions for "Death of a Ladies\' Man". Dee Dee Ramone also reported that Spector threatened the Ramones during the recording of "End of the Century". Mr.. Spector admitted in an interview with The British Daily Telegraph that he suffers from bipolar disorder and that he considers himself "relatively insane". In 2003, Spector returned to public prominence when he was indicted for murder. The trail is still pending.
Comments:
The "Einsteinsque" hairdo alone merits honorary membership.
Hop Sing, submitted by Captian Hikaru Sulu on Fri Oct 28 2005
Reason:
Actor Victor Sen Yung played "Hop Sing", the Ponderosa cook, house maid, and friend of the powerful Cartwrights-Ben, Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe on the classic 1960\'s television series "Bonanza". Hop Sing was mainly used for comic relief, speaking in broken English and Cantonese. Mr. Yung played Hop Sing from 1959 to 1973. Earlier in his career he played the part of Charlie Chan\'s number two son, Jimmy Chan, appearing in eleven "Chan" films. In addition, Victor was an accomplished Cantonese cook, and penned the book "Great Wok Cookbook" in 1974. Being a cast member of Bonanza wins favor with Norton I, first Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, but what real impresses Joshua is the fact that Victor was born and raised in San Francisco\'s Chinatown district. Sadly, Mr. Yung died on November 9, 1980 from a gas leak. He was 65 and penniless.
Comments:
We don\'t approve of the Asian stereotypes prevalent in western media, but realized that actors, like musicians, have to work.
Huell Howser, submitted by Merv Griffin on Fri Oct 7 2005
Reason:
Host of the popular PBS television series, "California\'s Gold", Huell Howser tirelessly crisscrosses the Golden State in search of underappreciated tourist traps. With the "aw shucks" charm of a Tennessee transplant, Mr. Howser is uniquely equipped to bring out the best in California\'s tour guides, museum curators, and park rangers. "That\'s amazing"!
Hugh Marston Hefner, submitted by Bill Clinton on Sat Jul 9 2005
Reason:
Pajama-clad and pipe-smoking mastermind behind the greatest magazine in U.S. history, "Playboy". He has since become an icon for the hedonistic ideals associated with this fine, sophisticated, intellectual, and informative periodical. Although Mr. Hefner has been married twice, he is known to have been involved with the following "Playmates": the then 18-year old Donna Michelle, Marilyn Cole, Lillian Muller, Patti Mcguire, Terri Welles, Brande Roderick, Mary Warren, Barbi Benton, Karen Christy, ex-Sunday school teacher Sandra Theodore, and the then 19-year-old Carrie Leigh, and Kimberly Conrad. Mr. Hefner has purchased a crypt in Westwood Memorial Cemetary in Westwood, CA beside film legend and sex goddess Marilyn Monroe, stating that he wishes to be interred next to her for eternity. Mr. Hefner can be credited with single-handedly saving the lives of both Mark Twang and U.S. Balzac from 1972 to the present. GOD BLESS YOU, MR. HUGH M. HEFNER, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Comments:
He put his daughter in charge of his empire.
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, submitted by Don Ho on Fri Sep 30 2005
Reason:
This Hawaiian music legend\'s success was only eclipsed by his circumference. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin reported that the 6-foot-2 musician weighed as much as 757 pounds, and noted that "At one point in his career, he required a forklift to get on stage". That did\'nt stop the ukelele-strumming Fat Bastid from becoming Hawaii\'s most popular solo act during the 1990\'s. His death in 1997 was attributed to multiple weight-related ailments and respiratory failure.
Comments:
Yup
Jackie Gleason, submitted by Crazy Guggenheim on Tue Jun 28 2005
Reason:
He wrote Melancholy Serenade(his theme) and put Elvis on TV for the first time...The Dorsey Brothers TV Show. He was funnier than shit and a fast movin\' fat bastard to boot.
Comments:
The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world. One of these days, Alice...and what about his best pal, "Norton"? Yeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!!!
Jim Nabors, submitted by Andy Griffith on Tue Oct 4 2005
Reason:
Gomer Pyle? Shazzam? Rock Hudson? And that operatic baritone?
Comments:
He knows Andy Griffith, performed at San Francisco\'s Purple Onion, had a successful liver transplant in 1994, and owns a Macadamia nut farm on Maui where he also grows tropical flowers...Semper Fidelis!
John Madden, submitted by Al Davis on Thu Jun 23 2005
Reason:
Former NFL head coach of the infamous Oakland Raiders during the 1970\'s. Now a successful television football commentator. In addition to being a cigar aficionado and fat bastid, it is rumoured that his stools are mammoth...
Comments:
His refusal to fly and have his own bus to travel on reminds me of Elvis, Johnny Cash, and Willie Nelsom. May Warren Wells date your mom to honor this legend of pro football.
Johnny Cash, submitted by Waylon Jennings on Sun May 28 2006
Reason:
J.R. Cash (1932-2003) was a vastly influential American country and rock music singer, guitarist and songwriter and the husband of June Carter Cash. Mr. Cash was known for his deep, distinctive voice and the \'\'boom-chick-a-boom\'\' or "freight train" sound of his Tennessee Three band. Much of "The Man in Black’s" music echoed themes of sorrow, moral tribulation and redemption. In 1965, his truck caught fire and managed to trigger a forest fire that burnt down half of Los Padres National Forest in California (see Mark Twain below). Once in 1967, while high on amphetamines, he crawled into Nickajack Cave in Tennessee, with the intent of ending his life. Mr. Cash felt great compassion for prisoners, performing concerts at various prisons starting in the late 1950s. These performances led to a pair of highly successful live albums, \'\'Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison\'\' (1968) and \'\'Johnny Cash at San Quentin\'\' (1969). Mr. Cash relapsed into addiction after a serious stomach injury in 1983 caused by a bizarre incident in which he was kicked and critically wounded by an ostrich he kept on his farm. Mr. Cash died in 2003.
Joseph Smith Jr., submitted by Donny Osmond on Fri Jun 23 2006
Reason:
Joseph Smith Jr. (1805-1844) was an American religious leader who founded the Latter Day Saint movement, commonly known as "Mormons". Anyone who endorses the principal of "plural marriage" is a a dear friend of NORTON I.
Comments:
As the old saying goes, "The more the merrier"!
Joshua Abraham Norton, submitted by Joshua Abraham Norton on Mon Jun 13 2005
Reason:
I\'m Emperor Norton
Comments:
He won\'t pay me back if we don\'t accept him...
Lee Marvin, submitted by Joshua on Mon Jun 20 2005
Reason:
His portrayal of the drunkd Cat Ballou and his rendition of "Wandering Star" in Paint Your Wagon. And the guy who looks like hime at the Bistro.
Comments:
He did an episode of Bonanza. Worship at the altar of the Dirty Dozen and California domestic partner laws.
Liberace, submitted by Elton John on Tue May 23 2006
Reason:
Wladziu Valentino Liberace (1919-1987), better known by the stage name \'\'Liberace\'\', and known to his friends as \'\'\'Lee\'\'\', was a charismatic American entertainer and pianist. He released several recordings through Columbia Records (later on Dot Records and through direct television advertising) and sold over 2,000,000 records in 1953 alone. Liberace\'s highly colored style of piano playing was characterized by some critics as fluid and lyrical but technically careless. Entertainers inspired by him include Little Richard (who called himself "the bronze Liberace"), James Brown, and Elton John, whose costumes early in his career often included feathers and furs as Liberace\'s sometimes did. After seeing professional wrestle Gorgeous George perform in Las Vegas Lee began to wear a gold-lame dinner jacket in his performances there. Elvis Presley reportedly saw this and asked Liberace if he would mind if he copied the jacket, whereupon Liberace suggested an entire tuxedo of gold-lame, starting Elvis on the road to the rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuits of his later career. Elvis subsequently surpassed Liberace as Las Vegas\' highest-paid performer but after Presley died Liberace reclaimed the distinction and held it for the rest of his life. In 1966 he appeared in two highly rated episodes of the campy U.S. television series \'”Batman”. He appeared onstage in hotpants for the first time in 1971 (the costume was red, white and blue with cowboy fringe). Liberace is widely credited with helping singer Barbra Streisand\'s early career (For some odd reason, this does’nt surprise his majesty, Norton I) Due to botched plastic surgery, Liberace was unable to close his eyes totally.
Comments:
"El Hombre Furioso" often tears up when reminiscing about the "man-love" relationship he had in the 1960\'s with this great pianist.
Link Wray, submitted by Pete Townsend on Wed Nov 23 2005
Reason:
Rumble.
Comments:
Neil Young has stated that if he could time travel into the past, his wish would be to see "Link Ray and the Raymen" perform.
Lloyd Dangle, cartoonist no more, submitted by Karthik Rajan on Mon May 30 2011
Reason:
Lloyd Dangle, Troubletown cartoonist for 22 years and defender of the people for as long as any of the friends and enemies gathered to roast him on his recent 50th birthday can remember, is finally mature enough to be an honorary member. I recommend him, humbly. The Sons and Lloyd share many views and angles. To the future of humanity with Lloyd Dangle as an Honorary Son of Emperor Norton.
Comments:
Satisfactory!!!
Lord Nasty, submitted by Dr. Gene Scott on Thu Oct 27 2005
Reason:
James Lemmons aka "Lord Nasty" lives in Ukiah, California and is a devout Christian who does\'nt drink or smoke and sings in his local church choir. He performs under the name "Lord Nasty" with his band "The Seekers of Perversion" and has recorded CD\'s titled "Glory Whorealujah", "Sweet Phat Ass Filth", and most recently "Baptized in Pussy Juice". He has penned songs called "Nasty Hoochie Booty", "Jacking Off in the Dark", and "Health Food Store Bitches". Mr. Nasty dresses in long, flowing robes and walks with a pained shuffle simular to that of the late, great Redd Foxx. Can I get an "amen"?
Comments:
Kudos to Mr. Lemmons for expressing the inherent duality of the Christian religions as practiced in western civilization. How many children would have been spared the covert sexual abuse perveyed by authority figures if all the different parts of human nature were honored and healthily explored, rather than distorted and ultimately used to advance the agenda of hypocritical, power-mad, money hungry, war-mongering politicians? Ass, gas, or grass...nobody rides for free. Yeehaw!!!
Luis Miguel, submitted by Pancho Villa on Mon Sep 23 2013
Reason:
Because he\'s muy loco!!!
Comments:
Sourdough saw Mr. Miguel in Reno and Luis\' obsession with his onstage video monitors and the presence of muchas screaming latinas in short skirts qualifies him big time!
Mae West, submitted by Peter North on Wed Jul 20 2005
Reason:
"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me"? "You ought to get out of those wet cloths and into a dry martini", "When a girl goes wrong, men go right...after her". In addition to appearing in numerous Hollywood films, Miss West starred in an episode of the 1960\'s televison show "Mister Ed" titled "Mae West meets Mister Ed". NORTON I, First Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, has a particular interest in the album called "Mae...Way Out West", which she recorded in the mid-sixties. The album included covers of "Twist and Shout", The Beatle\'s "Day Tripper" and the classic, "When a Man Loves a Women". Take cover Captian Kirk!
Comments:
She was good friends with Guido Deiro, accordian giant of the early 20th century. Any friend of any accordianist is in.
Merv Griffin, submitted by Mike Douglas on Tue Oct 11 2005
Reason:
Mr. Griffin has had a series of overlapping careers in show business as a singer and band leader, then as a talk show host and developer of game shows for television. Merv\'s talk show of the 1960\'s and early 1970\'s thrived on controversy, booking such guests as journalist Adele Rogers St. John, futurist Buckmister Fuller, writer Norman Mailer, critic Malcolm Muggeridge, Abbie Hoffman, and controversial new comedians like Dick Gregory, Lily Tomlin, Richard Pryor and George Carlin. Merv is responsible for creating the game shows "Jeopardy" and "Wheel of Fortune", both launching the careers of of Chuck Woolery, Alex Trebek, Pat Sajak, and Vanna White. Mr. Griffin was a pallbearer at President Ronald Reagan\'s funeral in 2004.
Comments:
His cameo in the film "The Man with Two Brains" starring Steve Martin was classic!
Mr. T, submitted by Rocky Balboa on Thu Oct 20 2005
Reason:
Famous for his customized trademark mohawk-style haircut, numerous gold chains, rings, and bracelets, Laurence Tureaud rose to stardom during the 1980s on the television show "The A-Team" and as boxer Clubber Lang in the movie, Rocky III. His gold jewelry and worth around $300,000. Sometimes, Mr. T sleeps while wearing his jewelry "to see how my ancestors, who wear slaves, felt". His trademark catch phrase, "I pity the fool", comes from the film Rocky III.
Comments:
Mistah T\'s nocturnal adventure\'s at Sourdough Joe\'s childhood home are legendary in San Francisco\'s Richmond district. Just say "No\' to drugs!
Nick Nolte, submitted by Bob De Niro on Wed Jul 13 2005
Reason:
This troubled maverick of deep complexity was once derided as a pretty boy of no obvious talent. Mr. Nolte, however, has proven his critics wrong. He was the first choice for Superman in 1978 and was considered for the part of Hans Solo in "Star Wars", before the role was offered to Harrison Ford. Mr. Nolte has a reputation as a being a "wildman" due to his heavy drinking and drug abuse but now states that those days are behind him. He stays youthful with a daily regiment of vitimins and organically grown foods. In the 1960\'s, Mr. Nolte adorned the box of Clairol\'s Summer Blonde hair dye.
Comments:
Anyone who conducts a press interview while wearing only a house robe deserves NORTON I\'s respect. You da man, Mr. Nick Nolte! Welcome!
Nino Ferrer, submitted by Armelle Le Roux on Sat Jun 25 2005
Reason:
Nino killed himself at 65 or so a year after his mom died. Before he was an ecclectic,surrealist and absurd curious singer...at least for those amazing outsider french eccentrics.....a time is gone,VIVE la FRANCE... Je t\'adore mon amour mais rend moi mes faux-bourgs
Comments:
Only a rejection by the Dishonorable Ulysses S. Balzac can over-rule an Armelle Le Roux nomination. I tip my hat to her as I "knock on wood" as to the fate of Mr. Balzac and his confused and anachronistic life as a charlatan.
Orson Welles, submitted by William Randolph Hearst on Thu Jun 23 2005
Reason:
Profound American filmaker, cigar aficionado, wine snob, and fat bastid. Rumour has it that \'ol Orson\'s stools were huge... Rosebud...Rosebud...Rosebud
Comments:
Once, on Johnny Carson\'s tonight show, a guest who shared Orson\'s dressing room said Orson didn\'t flush. Taking on corporate tyrant Hearst deserves more than we can give. He\'s in.
Paddy Roy Bates, submitted by Dr. Zachary Smith on Thu Oct 11 2012
Reason:
He created his own country, Sealand, with its own flag, constitution, currency, passport and national anthem. "I might die young or I might die old, but I will never die of boredom," Bates said in a 1980s interview.
Comments:
oh yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!11
Pat McCormick, submitted by Ed McMahon on Sat Aug 6 2005
Reason:
This walrus-maustachioed comedy writer wrote for such legendary performers as Phyllis Diller, Red Skelton and others when they appreared on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson". He also had roles in (3) "Smokey and the Bandit" films, in addition to other movies. He dropped out of Harvard to pursue a career in advertising, but quickly abandoned this goal to write jokes for televison and night club performers. In one 1974 "Tonight Show" appearence, McCormick streaked naked across the stage behind Johnny Carson during his opening monologue. God bless you, Pat McCormick!
Comments:
Just because Ed McMahon was up at 3:30am thinking about naked Pat McCormick when he submitted this nomination qualifies it for my unequivocal approval and acceptance. Your in, o mighty nude Irishman.
Paul Rein, submitted by Sourdough on Fri May 19 2006
Reason:
The first lawyer to incorporate boxing moves into popular social dance. A good friend to the Sons.
Paul Reubens, submitted by Grandfather Clock on Wed May 24 2006
Reason:
Paul Reubens (born Paul Rubenfeld in 1952) is an actor, writer, and comedian, best known for portraying the character "Pee-wee Herman". He attended Boston University before deciding to move to Hollywood, where he enrolled as an acting major at the California Institute of the Arts. He soon joined the Los Angeles-based improvisational comedy team "The Groundlings" and remained a member for six years. It was here that he forged a significant friendship and working relationship with the late Phil Hartman, with whom he developed the "Pee-wee Herman" character. Pee-wee was an eccentric man-child in a too-small grey suit, red bow tie, short buzz cut, and a perpetually giddy disposition. His distinctive "Ha Ha" laugh became the character\'s catch phrase. On July 26, 1991, Reubens was arrested in Sarasota, Florida, for allegedly masturbating in an adult movie theater. The news media went into a frenzy and the scandal marked the near-death of the character "Pee-wee Herman", reducing both the actor and the persona to a cruel punchline. Reubens made a deal with the Sarasota County court in exchange for a fine and a few public service announcements and was given a clean record.
Comments:
Any friend of the late, great Phil Hartman is a friend of Norton I, First Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. Come on into the club Mr. Herman, but keep your horses in the barn, if you get my drift!
Pete Best, submitted by Ringo Starr on Fri Aug 19 2005
Reason:
Mr. Best does\'nt exhibit the normal (or) abnormal characteristics of being an honorary Son of EMPEROR NORTON, however, being ousted from the legendary and mythic Beatles, greatest rock & roll band ever, deserves some sort of honorary mention.
Comments:
Norton I, First Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, sez "Let him in, God Dammit"!
Peter North, submitted by Christy Canyon on Thu Jun 29 2006
Reason:
Peter North (also known as \'\'Al Brown\'\' or \'\'Matt Ramsey\'\') is a prolific Canadian male pornographic actor, film director, and film producer. North was born \'\'Alden Brown\'\' on May 11, 1957. When he first entered the porn business he appeared in gay pornography films under the name "Matt Ramsey." North is most noted for his ability to produce very large amounts of semen, and for his powerful ejaculations. He has averaged 8-10 ejaculations per orgasm since the start of his career in the porn industry over two decades ago. Female co-stars like Jenna Jameson confirm his volume of ejaculation to be real, with no movie trickery involved. Peter North has stated that his ejaculations have always been of a high volume and that he didn\'t know it was above the norm until he began his career in the porn industry. At the climax of sex scenes, North\'s ejaculations could last upwards of twenty seconds or longer. North is also known for having an exceptionally large penis, both in length and girth. The size of North\'s penis, reported to be 8.5 inches in length by 6 inches in girth, is amongst the largest of all current male porn stars. Industry insiders refer to it as \'the North pole.\'
Comments:
Ah yeah...shit yeah...ah yeah...Peter pounds for profit!
Phineas Taylor Barnum, submitted by U.S. Balzac on Wed Jun 22 2005
Reason:
Because "a sucker is born every minute".
Comments:
Freak shows and high-wire acts are where it\'s at, and he looks a little like Karl Malden(Inspector Mike Stone..."The Streets of San Francisco" (A Quinn Martin Production).
Phyllis Diller, submitted by Tony Dow on Sat Oct 1 2005
Reason:
She endorsed Doggie Diner.
Comments:
Anyone who performed at San Francisco\'s Purple Onion and has a husband named "Fang" is instanty given honorary membership in Norton I\'s elite club. In addition, this San Francisco bay area native has a Ph.D. That means you should properly address her as "Dr. Phyllis Diller".
Raymond Burr, submitted by Peter Falk on Fri Oct 7 2005
Reason:
Just as William Shatner is Captain James T. Kirk, Peter Falk is Columbo, and Carroll O\'Connor is Archie Bunker, Mr. Burr will forever be remembered as Perry Mason. Yet another famous Fat Bastid, Mr. Burr had a rich and varied career in film, radio, and television. He also owned and operated Raymond Burr Vineyards in Sonoma County\'s Dry Creek Valley where he grew Cabernet Sauvignon and Cabernet Franc red wine grapes. He also had a passion for growing orchids. Mr. Burr passed away in 1993.
Comments:
Mr. Burr was also fond of shopping for furniture, and driving up the wrong side of the road, if you catch my drift. So my one serious question will be directed towards the famed Ulysses S. Balzac: "In regards to the actress who played Della Street(Barbara Hale?); would ya?
Rex Trailer, submitted by James Arness on Thu May 18 2006
Reason:
Rex Trailer is a Boston, Massachusetts based television personality and broadcast pioneer. In 1947 Trailer became the host of the DuMont Television Network\'s "Oky Doky Ranch." "Rex Trailer\'s Boomtown" debuted on Boston\'s WBZ television in 1956 and ran through 1974. Trailer continues to work in the television industry and teaches on-air performance at Emerson College in Boston.
Comments:
Without Rex\'s musical influence on Sourdough Joe via his recordings of classic cowboy music, there would be no Sons per se. "Cowpoke", "Red River Valley", and "Ridin\' Down the Canyon" are all culled from Rex\'s recorded repertoire. There\'s an email on our discussion board he sent Sourdough back in \'01...
Richard Milhous Nixon, submitted by JFK on Fri May 19 2006
Reason:
Richard Milhous Nixon (1913-1994) was the 37th President of the United States, serving from 1969 to 1974. He was also the 36th Vice President of the United States (1953-1961) serving under Dwight D. Eisenhower. He is the only person to have been elected twice to the Vice Presidency and twice to the Presidency, and the only president to have resigned that office. His resignation came in the face of imminent impeachment related to the Watergate break-in and subsequent Watergate scandal. Nixon is noted for his diplomatic foreign relations of the United States, especially with the Soviet Union and People\'s Republic of China, and ending the Vietnam War. He is also noted for his middle-of-the-road domestic policy that combined conservative rhetoric and, in many cases, liberal action, as in his environmental policy. In 1962, Nixon lost a race for Governor of California. In his concession speech, Nixon accused the media of favoring his opponent Pat Brown, and stated that it was his "last press conference" and that "you don\'t have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore." His opponents often referred to him as "Tricky Dick".
Comments:
Unless you were actually there, it’s hard to imagine how utterly loathed and reviled Richard Nixon was in America in 1974. “Impeach Nixon” bumper stickers and placards were everywhere you turn and on playgrounds across the USA, school children sang obscene songs about him. Accompanied by the appropriate combination of clenched eyebrows, sweaty upper lip, and jowly frown, the declaration of “I am not a crook” was an unfailing laugh-getter at fondue parties, regardless of political persuasion. Norton I is particularly proud of his meeting wth The King, Elvis Presely on December 21, 1970. It was at this meeting that Mr. Nixon made \'Ol E a "Federal Agent-at-Large" in the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs. In addition, rumours persisted that during the height of the Watergate scandal, Mr. Nixon roamed the halls of the White House naked, carrying on conversations with portraits of past presidents. Compared to the current commander in chief, Nixon seems tame. Welcome aboard, my old friend!
Rip Taylor, submitted by Merv Griffin on Sun May 21 2006
Reason:
Charles Elmer Taylor, better known as \'\'\'Rip Taylor\'\'\' (born January 13, 1934 in Washington D.C.), is an American actor and comedian known as "The Crying Comic". Noted for his high voice, zany hair, bushy handlebar mustache over a perpetual toothy grin and his heavyset physique, his schtick is to toss handfuls of confetti from a paper bag onto his audience, then laugh hysterically. One of Taylor\'s classic lines, after getting little to no reaction following one of his jokes, is to stop for a moment and yell, \'\'I don\'t dance, folks! This is it!\'\' Taylor was a frequent celebrity guest panelist on game shows such as \'\'Hollywood Squares\'\' and \'\'The Gong Show\'\', and even hosted a short-lived send-up of beauty pageants called \'\'The $1.98 Beauty Show\'\' in 1978.
Comments:
Anyone who plays a major role in El Hombre Furioso\'s "wet dreams" and odd sexual fantasies is automatically proclaimed an "Honorary Son of Emperor Norton". His wild hair style and handlebar mustache also guarantees him a spot in this special club.
Rob Ford, submitted by Dr. Smithsonian on Sat Nov 16 2013
Reason:
Let the Toronto mayor proudly represent Canada as an honorary member. He has exhibited ample bizzare behavior to warrant inclusion.
Comments:
he\'s got plenty to eat at home!!!
Robert Blake, submitted by Truman Capote on Wed Jul 6 2005
Reason:
Recently acquited of murder charges, Mr Blake has been in show business since his childhood. Born September 18, 1933 in Nutley, New Jersey, he continues to remain in the public eye. He was a member of "Our Gang", starred in the film version of Truman Capote\'s best selling book, "In Cold Blood", and played Detective Tony Baretta on the classic 1970\'s television show "Baretta". The Sons of Emperor Norton are particularly impressed with this fine thespians appearances on the 1960\'s televison series "Rawhide". When life gets too stressful, Mr. Blake hops in his car and goes "Cowboying". The Sons of Emperor Norton highly recommend "Cowboying" as a hollistic stress reliever. And you can take that to the bank!
Comments:
Anyone who follows in the footsteps of Spanky, Alfalfa, and Buckwheat is already a member. You can\'t kill your way out o\' that one. Hal Roach sez check out "Electra Glide in Blue."
Robert Tilton, submitted by Satan on Tue Nov 8 2005
Reason:
Second greatest contemporary televangelist on the airwaves. Claims to have a direct connection to God. He is a true "Profit" of our Savior and Lord, Jesus H. Christ. Amen.
Comments:
Whose the chick in "The Exorcist"? Antoine Le Vey is knocking on your door and handing you a copy of "The Watchtower".
Rodney Dangerfield, submitted by Johnny Carson on Fri Jun 23 2006
Reason:
\'\'Rodney Dangerfield\'\'(1921-2004), born Jacob Cohen, was a comedian and actor, best known for the line "I don\'t get no respect" and his monologues on that theme. His trademark line was inspired by the 1972 film \'\'The Godfather\'\', with its memorable depiction of Mafia bosses who place tremendous value on being treated with "respect." Rodney saw that the reverse-a character who got no respect from anyone at all would be seen by audiences as funny and sympathetic. In the 1960\'s and 1970\'s Mr. Dangerfield began headlining shows in Las Vegas and made dozens of appearances on \'\'The Ed Sullivan Show\'\' and \'\'The Dean Martin Show\'\'. He would appear on \'\'The Tonight Show\'\' a total of 70 times. Rodney\'s Manhattan nightclub, "Dangerfield\'s", helped popularize many standup comics, including Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Roseanne Barr, Sam Kinison, Andrew "Dice" Clay,and others. His career peaked during the early 1980s, with his appearance in \'\'Caddyshack\'\', starring roles in \'\'Easy Money\'\' and \'\'Back To School\'\'. In keeping with his "No Respect" persona, his headstone reads simply, "Rodney Dangerfield - There goes the neighborhood."
Sam Phillips, submitted by J. Cash on Sat Jul 9 2005
Reason:
Grandiose genius behind Sun Records. In October, 1949, Mr. Phillips signed a lease for a small storefront located at 706 Union Avenue in downtown Memphis, Tennessee. He acquired and installed recording equipment and opened the studio in January, 1950. His slogan, "We Record Anything-Anywhere-Anytime" proved to be true, recording weddings, funerals and religious gatherings. He launched the careers of Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis, B.B. King, Howlin\' Wolf, Rufus Thomas and numerous other significant artists. He will be most remembered for his rockabilly stars, particularly "The King", Elvis Presley.
Comments:
Look who he hung out with...then there\'s his beard, dyed hair, sun glasses and gold chains(when he was in his late 70\'s).
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, submitted by Charles Dickens on Wed May 24 2006
Reason:
Profound American writer, humorist, Clamper, drinker, thinker, and cigar aficionado. Known as "Mark Twain" and a friend to all, he was the author of "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"; considered to be one of the greatest American novels ever written. Born in Missouri, Mr. Clemens lived in Virginia City, San Francisco, and was a neighbor of Emperor Joshua A. Norton. According to Bax of Virginia City, Nevada, Mr. Twain started a forest fire in the Tahoe Basin in the summer of 1862 (See Johnny Cash above). Mr. Clemens reports in "Roughing It": "While Johnny was carrying the main bulk of the provisions up to our \'house\' for future use...I lit a fire, and went back to the boat to get a frying pan. While I was at this, I heard a shout from Johnny, and looking up I saw that my fire was galloping all over the premises...fire was here and there as far as the eye could reach and the lofty mountain-fronts were webbed as it were in a tangled network of red lava streams". If this doesn\'t get you on this list, nothing will!
Comments:
He hated imperialists and invested in Tesla.
Scott Joplin, submitted by Louis Armstrong on Thu Aug 4 2005
Reason:
Known as the "King of Ragtime" music, Joplin demonstrated an extraordinary talent for music at an early age, mastering both the piano and banjo. For several years, he was the itinerant pianist in saloons and brothels throughout the midwest. Eventually, Joplin\'s name became synonymous with "Ragtime" music, the combination of European classical styles with African American harmony and rhythm. He died of syphilis on April 11, 1917 in Manhatten State Hospital.
Comments:
Uh huh
Sea Hag, submitted by Paul Shambles on Wed Aug 3 2005
Reason:
In the words of Popeye, "I yam glad she ain\'t dead -- even if she is a exter bad woman -- hah! If they wasn\'t no bad women, maybe we wouldn\'t appreciate the good ones. Anyway, she yam what she yam!" She was the first woman stalker most boys growing up in the 50s and 60s experienced. Besides, you\'ve gotta respect a woman with stubble.
Comments:
No finer seamstress ever sailed the seven seas. I\'m sure she "kept an eye(aye, aye?) out" for a lot of seaman out there on that island of hers. Caw, caw! Care to do some shots? Joshua sez, "Aye."
Shelby Dade Foote, Jr., submitted by Stonewall Jackson on Sat Jun 25 2005
Reason:
Southern writer, Civil War authority, and connoisseur of whiskey and rye. Shelby lived in Memphis, Tennessee. Sadly, Shelby retreated to the big Civil War battlefield in the sky on June 27th 2005.
Comments:
Without him, the Civil War would be just another notch on Ken Burns bedpost. Cue the sentimental fiddle music as I weep uncontrolably about not spending enough quality time with my dad. He\'s in the club.
Tex Ritter, submitted by Gene Autry on Wed Jul 6 2005
Reason:
Singing cowboy and star of western movies. Mr. Ritter was born Woodard Maurice Ritter on January 12, 1905. His son, the late John Ritter, became famous for his portrayal of Jack Tripper on the 1970\'s sitcom, "Three\'s Company".
Comments:
Where in the hell do you think the Sons got Samuel Hall? There\'s blood on the saddle, and blood on the ground, and a great, big puddle of blood all around. Sourdough got Tex\'s autograph on his "Blood ON the Saddle" album in 1963 while visiting a supermarket in Omaha, Nebraska with his mom and paternal grandma. Howdy, Tex. You n\' Johnny doin\' any fishin\'?
William Howard Taft, submitted by Teddy Roosevelt on Wed Nov 2 2005
Reason:
Twenty-Seventh President (1909-1913) of the United States of America. He was a distinguished jurist, effective administrator, poor politician, and one helluva Fat Bastid. William Howard Taft admittedly spent four uncomfortable years in the White House. You would have been uncomfortable too, if your weight topped off at over 350 pounds, the reported weight of President Taft at the time. Evidence from eyewitnesses and from Taft himself strongly suggests that he suffered from severe obstructive sleep apnea during his Presidential term of office. His legendary tendency to fall asleep in almost any circumstance, and open secret of embarrassment for his intimates, was a result of this health problem. Taft\'s obesity was so acute that he became stuck in the White House bathtub several times, prompting the installation of a new bathtub capable of holding all of the men who installed it. President Taft holds the distinction as being the largest and heaviest President in United States history.
Comments:
Just imagining ol\' Howie with his valet and chambermaids valiantly struggling with a current of sudsy water flowing in and around his massive dangling budabingas with scrub-brush and washcloth in hand brings tears to the eyes of this wise and noble sonofabitch. Not to mention the submarine flatus. May the Lord bless you and all that you prevail upon.
William Jefferson Blythe IV, submitted by Kenneth Starr on Wed Jun 29 2005
Reason:
Forty-Second president of the United States, cigar afionado, saxophonist, and avid reader of "Penthouse Forum". During Mr. Blythe\'s two terms, the USA enjoyed more peace and economic well being than any other time in it\'s history. He was the first Democratic president since FDR to win a second term. He is credited with the lowest unemployment rate in modern times, the lowest inflation rate in 30 years, the highest home ownership in the country\'s history, dropping crime rates in many places, and reduced welfare roles. He also proposed the first balanced budget in decades and achieved a budget surplus. Please Billy, come play Saxophone with us this weekend in Virginia City. We do a pretty good rendition of "Love Me Tender". GOD BLESS BILLY BLYTHE IV!!! LONG LIVE "THE KING"
Comments:
Anyone who puts a picture of Dexter Gordon in the White House deserves better than just an honorary membership anywhere. However, as the late(really late) Sigmund Freud put it, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Welcome to the club, Mr. Bill. The Billymeister, doin\' the Billy thing, the Willy Man...
William Shatner, submitted by Leonard Nimoy on Sat Jul 9 2005
Reason:
This ubiquitous Canadian actor has been in the public eye for 40 years and just keeps on going and going. Although Mr. Shatner wears many different hats, he will forever be remembered for his role as Captain Jame T. Kirk on the legendary 1960\'s sci-fi televison series, "Star Trek". We, here at The Sons of EMPEROR NORTON, however, have a special interest in his appearences on "The Virginian", "The Big Valley", "Gunsmoke", "Route 66", and "The Twilight Zone", all 1960\'s television shows. The beloved and honorable EMPEROR NORTON I, first Emperor of the United States and protector of Mexico, has a particular interest in Mr. Shatner\'s 1960\' album, "The Transformed Man". The album includes Mr. Shatner\'s covers of The Beatle\'s "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and Bob Dylan\'s "Mr. Tambourine Man". This accomplishment alone assures Mr. Shatner the great privilege of being an Honorary Son of EMPEROR NORTON.
Comments:
Beam him up Scotty!!! Check out this brilliant display of Shatner\'s acting chops. click here
Willie Nelson, submitted by Corn Cob on Tue Jun 28 2005
Reason:
Wrote "Crazy", "I\'m My Own Grandpaw", did farm-aid, has his own bio-diesal company, did somethin\' nasty with yer mom, and smoked pot in the White House. He is my saviour. Munch that, Dr. Gene Scott
Comments:
Outlaw country rules.
Wilt Chamberlain, submitted by Bill Russell on Mon Apr 10 2006
Reason:
Known as "Wilt the Stilt"(a nickname he hated), the late Mr. Camberlain is regarded as one of the greatest, if not the greatest, and most dominant basketball players of all time for the incredible statistical achievements he attained throughout his playing career. In his book,"A View From Above", Wilt controversially claimed to have had sex with almost 20,000 women. This would have meant,on average, having sex with more than one women everyday of his life since the age of 15. He died at age 63.
Comments:
Anybody who could be "on tap" for his old lady(or anybody\'s old lady for that matter) whilst all parties involved are standing complete erect is already one of the most honorable of the honorary members. Talk about lay-ups off the back board...yeehaw!!! There\'s one guy who new how to handle his ball(s). Yes. yes, yes!!! Joshua sez:"Mr. Chamberlain seemed to have a slightly steadier grip on his emotions when dealing with the fairer sex than say...Mr. Orenthal Simpson."